The Miami Wreck Exploration Project (http://miamiwreck.webs.com/
) dove the Gimrock Barge in 175ft Saturday 7/20/2013. Seas were 2-4, partly cloudy skys, bottom temp 75, deco 80 degrees. 17 minutes bottom time on 21/35 and 25 minutes deco on 50%.
The barge is grown over and in great shape. The inner barge is all on the North side and makes a nice habitat for fish. I huge southern stingray at the South side in the sand. 20-30 healthy lionfish around the wreck. Most around the debris in the sand.
A 6ft Dusky Shark circled us on deco from 70-50ft before losing interest. Jody,Rick Thomas, David B. Nate and Matthew W. Hoelscher dove.
How does the different areas of the brain respond to the coaching process?
The latest research shows 5 key areas in the brain and how they relate to what you experience. The best part is that all the areas are all coachable!
, a master certified coach with the ICF from Switzerland addressed the South Florida Chapter of the International Coach Federation in July to get us up to speed on the latest in brain research and how coaching affects the brain.
Ideally you will have strength in all the areas listed and not use one to compensate for another. Each area of the brain has its own chemicals for triggering increase or decrease in motivation in regards to that area.
I will review all five based on the acronym SCOAP and walk you thru how to “self coach” yourself through a decision or dilemma using this model.Self Esteem
How do you feel about yourself?
Are you a good person?
Do you know how to do your job well?
How do you feel you perform your other roles in life like spouse, parent, and volunteer?
This one word summarizes similar concepts like self-actualization, self awareness, and self-acceptance.
If you feel confident in your abilities and worth of love, respect, and consideration it will be reflected in your personal and professional life. If you do not, it is to compensate in one of the other areas below.Control
Are you in control of your different environments?
Will people follow you and do what you say?
Or do you feel invisible, ignored, and disempowered?
If you have a high ranking leadership position, how you use your control affects how your team performs. If you are at the bottom of the organization performing routine tasks, having a feeling control makes a huge difference in their productivity.Orientation
Are you in sync with the environment and culture around you?
Do you know what normal is and how you relate to that normal?
When we make a major life change, our orientation gets turned upside down. Promotions, being laid off, changing relationships, getting married or divorced, having children are all events that throw off our orientation to the world around us.
Onboarding is the process of helping new leaders in new organizations get orientated between the culture the left and the company culture they are moving into. 40% of leaders fail to get their orientation straight within 18 months creating a big loss for both the company and the individual.
If you really want to feel disoriented, travel abroad to a new culture. The first three days of my trip to India in 2010 threw me for a loop. I did not know how to do anything! Traveling on the roads was a complete loss of control and I had no idea what the "rules" of the road were! It was easy to beat myself up over mistakes that cost us time, but in the end we able to "orientate" to the country and I can't wait to make a return trip now that I have some idea of what to expect.Attachment
It is natural for us to form attachments to individuals, things, the past, and things yet to come in the future. Divorce is so hard for many people because they have a deep attachment to a future that will no longer play out the way they had anticipated which throws off their orientation to the world. A house, a car, a title, or a status can be changed and invoke an problem with attachment. Healthy attachment is what keeps our community together, it is the bond of friendship up to the highest loyalty you can imagine.
We create attachments to who we are at work and the role we play. Career changes can create deep shifts in self-esteem depending on the work we do, how it is valued, and the difference we make.Pleasure
This is brain basics. We all want to avoid pain and seek out pleasure. Pleasure is what if the higher functions that adds to our humanity. We don't just do things because we have to, but because it feels good. There is a pleasure that comes from being in the state of “flow” in our work. Getting lost in it. Pleasure cal also become a procrastination to getting the hard work done that we need to do to move forward in our lives. Now try it yourself, right now!
So if you are having a challenging situation, you can self coach yourself by simply thinking about the issue and scoring yourself on a scale of 1-5 on these five dimensions of the brain. I used this recently with an opportunity with my favorite not-for-profit South Florida Reef Research Team to partner with another not-for-profit on sharing research.
My Self-esteem was a 4, I know both organizations well and I can function between them. The level of control was a 1. I know that after the partnership, I will not have much control in the organization nor will I have any control over how the data we share will be used either scientifically or commercially. I just found the heart of my concern in less that 5 minutes! Our orientation between the two groups is a 5 on paper. We both was to collect long term data and make it available to anyone in a position to positively improve the quality of our ocean environment.
After a deeper look, the partner may really wanting to appear to take credit for our work instead of promoting our findings. That dropped the orientation score to a 2. Needless to say, after volunteering over 10 years, hundreds of hours and a few thousand dollars, my attachment level is a 5! My pleasure in this decision would be a 5 if someone used our data to influence policy. As it is right now, knowing the data is in a shoebox under a bed and CD-ROM hidden in the back of my desk, I can no pleasure in just storing it.
So looking back at what I just discovered about myself. I am attracted to the opportunity to take pleasure in my hard work and give up publishing control IF the orientation is truly the same. If not, and the data is being used for self serving commercial purposes, I will not have the control to stop it and I will suffer a decrease in pleasure instead of an increase. Wow, what a relief!
Now I have some clarity about how I need to clear on the orientation before making a decision!
In 27 minutes over the phone, we can take a look at any issue, personal or profession and run a "SCOAP Check" to see where you are add and how you need to move forward? Click here
to schedule a time on my calendar that is convenient to you right now!
Learn more about Andy Harbermacher at http://andyhabermacher.com/
I know what you are all thinking, “Six? There is only one!” You are close, it ranks as #2. But do you know the #1 quality is?
I will give you a hint, you spend enormous amounts of time, money, and attention to the number one quality.
The other four that are really surprising! Only one quality is in common with the men’s list from last week. Two others may seem quite offensive to women with a career focus. I just want to point out when it comes to attraction, it requires polarity. The further apart in opposition, the more space for attraction!
When a man is reading your profile or getting to know you, here are the qualities he is looking for.
2. Sexual openness
3. Trust of their (man’s) direction
4. Support for their (man’s) vision
6. Healthy radiance
Now how do you work these into your online profile and dating conversation?
The first thing a man does online is look through your photos to find an attraction to your beauty. If the photos are blurry, with sunglasses or taken with a cell phone in a mirror, it is not creating an attraction in him. Find a friend with a good camera and go out for a photoshoot. Show off your body, your smile, your hair and your eyes. Be confident and fabulous! Show him how much you love yourself and your body. That way there are no surprises when you show up in person. I won’t go into hair, makeup and clothes. A man wants his women to look her best when going out on the town.
2. Sexual openness
Last week when I suggested that men need to be good at social touch. The way you respond to his touch shows your sexual openness. Will you touch him back? Will you smile? Or will your pull away, put his hand down, and give him an evil look?
For the most part, it is hard openly discuss sex early on in a relationship. So all that communication becomes non-verbal. If you touch a man first or often, you will put him at ease and convey interest in him which in a polite way.
3. Trust of their (man’s) direction
When a man shares his direction and purpose, would you support it? Do you trust what he is doing and would you support him in accomplishing his mission? If you have found yourself nagging a man, it is because you no longer trust his commitment to his direction. That breaks this critical attraction factor.
4. Support for their (man’s) vision
An attractive man knows where his going and can articulate it. Would you want to go along on that ride? Do you see yourself in that picture? If so, share with him. If not, then you know its time to find other potential dates.
This is the one quality on both lists. What is your education? What do you read? What is your opinion on things that matter to you?
6. Healthy radiance
This cuts back to the basics of reproduction. A healthy partner is always more attractive. How do you exercise, eat, and engage in life? Are you always complaining or are you content and happy?
If you are looking for a new relationship, click here to open my calendar to schedule a free 30 minute phone call to review these 6 qualities and how they apply to you. We can find out what is working, what can be improved and your biggest block to being more attractive to the opposite sex!Click here to read last week’s post on what women want in a man.This top 6 list came from David Deida’s book, “Intimate Communion”. This book is about relationships instead of individuals. I have learned a lot about my marriage and how I show in world as a man thanks to his inspired writing.
I have started coaching several people about relationships and finding the next person in their life. One of the hardest tasks is creating an online dating profile to attract response from others. The common thread of the questions are:
1. What do women want?
2. What do men want?
Since the majority of my clients are men at the moment, I’ll start there. Next week I answer the question for the women. (Men take note, women loved to be teased with anticipation! *grin*)
One of my favorite authors on the subject is David Deida. His book, “Way Of The Superior Man” is in my top 10 favorites of all time and I recommend it often. A friend turned me on to another of his books, “Intimate Communion”. This book is about relationships instead of individuals. I have learned a lot about my marriage and how I show in world as a man thanks to his inspired writing.
When a woman is reading your profile or getting to know you, here are the qualities she is looking for in you.
Now how do you work these into your online profile and dating conversation?
This is the long walks on the beach, candlelit conversations, gazing into each others eyes. If a women goes out with you, how will she know you will be complete present and with her? She does not want to compete with your smartphone for attention.
College degrees and education is important, but what books have your read? What was the last movie or play you attended. What did you think about it? What was your opinion about that book?
Most women are not looking for big muscles, but how do you take care of yourself? Do you go to the gym or play a sport. How do you eat?
Easy guys, this is where it gets complicated. Online, you need to show photos where you are laughing and having fun. Pictures that included you with more than one women show that you are “approved” by other women and safe to be with.
In person women want to feel your emotions. Can you be open and share what you are feeling? Or are you closed off and guarded? This is also anxiety about whether or not your date likes you can kill you. She can feel your anxiety, but has no idea where it is coming from? If you love yourself, just as your are and do not worry about her approval you will get it automatically. Men, you need to lead here, if you are happy, they will be happy. If you are nervous, they will be nervous.
Women will feel your passion in how you touch them. They feel it in your hug, how you touch the side of her arm, and her back. If you can make her feel comfortable with socially acceptable touch, you will create a powerful attraction inside of her.
Where are you going with your life? Men with a successful career have a clear direction. What kind of difference do you or would you like to make in the world. This is where men think women only care about money. Money is just one measure of how clear you are in your direction. The starving artist also has a girlfriend because he has a clear direction in what message he wants to convey with his art.
If you are out on a perfect date, with a wonderful women and the waiter spills a drink on you, are you going to get angry? Feel like the night is ruined? Or laugh about it? Humor is the contrast to passion and direction. Stop and laugh at the irony of life.
If you are looking for a new relationship, click here to open my calendar to schedule a free 30 minute phone call to review these 6 qualities and how they apply to you. We can find out what is working, what can be improved and your biggest block to being more attractive to the opposite sex!
“About 40% of executives who change jobs or get promoted fail in the first 18 months.” according to Anne Fisher in a recent Fortune
article, this has been true for about 15 years.
This is not good odds and here is why, company culture and soft skills. Your success has nothing to do with your ability to “do” and everything based how your are going to “be” in the new role.
Are you going to go with the current flow?
Are you going to meet part way?
Are you going to slowly evolve?
Are you going to shake it up?
How you start off and when you make a change is called a pivot point. The timing of your leadership pivot should be based around the companies culture.
The companies hired you internally because you were a high potential ready to step up. If you were hired externally, the hiring leader wants you and the culture you came from to some degree in the new company.
The question is how much?
This is where preparation is critical and some background analysis of the two cultures is critical. As Vince Lombardi put it, “The will to win is not nearly so important as the will to prepare to win
There are three cultures to explore. Where you came from, the “published” values of the company, and the real values rewarded by the other leaders. The company may do lip service to “putting the customer first” on the outside, but internally it can become really clear that speed, lower quality, or profitability may be the real value your team works with.
Once you know the values, then you can craft your message to your team about what you stand for and what your group will stand for. Its that message that becomes your basis to ear the right to lead the group. Management is mandatory, following leader is voluntary choice.
Getting hired was getting the people above you to choose you. Once you get the job, that doesn’t carry much water with the people who report to you. Getting your team to “choose” to follow your leadership is what will deliver exponential results and beat the 40% failure curve.
Do you need help figuring it out? Everyone at some point has written a mission and some values they live by. Very few have been trained on how to identify the “real” values a team operates by.
Onboarding is the term used to describe the hiring of new employees. In the world of Executive Coaching, Onboarding is the art of successfully identifying and merging new leaders into new organizational cultures.
Quiz: Name the Golfer that NEVER choked on a putt?In the book, Finding Your Zone, Michael Landon tells the story of Jack Nicklaus when he had to make a critical putt. Jack read the green, made a perfect putting stroke, but the ball hit a bad patch of grass and veered off course. His playing partner later said, “Too bad you missed that putt Jack.” Jack replied, “I didn’t.”Why didn’t Jack miss the putt in his minds eye?
Because he was fully committed the putt. Jack knows how to putt and trusts his ability to putt every time he steps up to the ball, to put it in the hole. When things go wrong or he hits a “bad patch”, he doesn't start changing things. He doesn't run out and buy a new putter, try a new ball or start changing his stroke in the middle of the match.
On the next hole, he repeats what he knows how to do, becomes fully committed to making the putt in his mind and then he putts. The ball may or may not go in. There are forces beyond his control, but he never misses the putt in his mind's eye before he makes the putt.Here are the three steps:
1. Did you visualize the shot you wanted to hit before you executed it?
2. Did you hit the shot without any doubt or ambivalence (fully committed)?
3. Did you back away from the shot and let your mind clear if you incurred any negative or distracting thoughts?
That is golf, how does this apply in the “real world”?
How do you get into the flow of your genius and stay there?
The state of flow is the delicate balance between conscious effort and innate reflexive trust. Jack has made some many putts, spent so much time on the green his body knows and feels how it is to make a putt from any distance on any green. So now he just has to make the conscious effort to make the putt without putting too much effort into the action.
Choking on a putt, a sales call or getting a kiss goodnight at the end of a date is simply a matter of “over thinking” in the mind and overriding the innate reflexive trust of knowing what to do. If you do not know what you you need to do, you need to practice. After you have found that deep and profound sense of trust that comes from “knowing” how to do something, forget about thinking and just do it!When you over think, especially under the pressure of performance, you choke!
When you make the commitment to be your best at what ever you decided to do, you too will never miss a putt again, even when you hit a patch of bad grass.
When you are not sure if you can trust yourself or if you feel you have lost that trust in something you know how to do, that is great time to call me and see if I can help you find your commitment again!
And feel good about doing it!
A coaching client came to the session with the challenge of procrastination. She is single and lives alone. She has important papers that need to be organized and filed in case she passes away, so that her next of kin can easily settle her estate.
How morbid, how depressing! Who would want to do that?!?
Here is the plan we came up with step by step to help you accomplish the less fun things on the to do list this year!
1. When are you going to do it?
Tomorrow at 10 AM!
2. How long will it take?
3. What can you do for fun as a reward for completing the task.
I want to go see a new movie.
Great, so here is what you do!
First: Set an appointment with yourself at 10 AM in your calendar to interrupt whatever you are doing. Make sure you eat a big breakfast because you will not be stopping in the middle of the project.
Second: Go to Fandango and buy the movie ticket for tomorrow for the 4 PM mantinee and print out the ticket.
Third: Put your phone in airplane mode (no interruptions) and set the timer (next to the clock function) for 4 hours. Sit the phone next to the printed movie ticket.
You ONLY have 4 hours to get the task done. If it is NOT done by the time the timer expires. You cannot go to the movie and you will lose your money! If you do the task, the movie is your present or reward for a job well done.
“But I hate to loose money,” she protested, why not just buy the ticket after I finish. I am sure they will still be available?
The very “hatred” of losing money IS the very motivation that will help you get the task done! In fact, I could guarantee you will get the task done, 100%, no worries.
You may walk away from a $12 movie ticket or even a $16 Movie bistro ticket. So write me a check right now for $1000 and give it to me with you commitment written in the memo field. If you make your commitment, I will tear up the check. If you do not, I will cash it and keep the money!
Now go back to the your to-do list. Put a dollar amount that would be painful enough for you to lose that you would do the task no matter what, for each task?
Any task at $1000 range is high priority, one of those per day is enough.
Any task at $75 is medium priority and two of those per day is enough.
Any task at $20 or lower is low priority and not even worth bothering about. They are just the “shoulds” you think you should do, but really has no value to you.
Delete any $0 tasks right off the list, right now.
Then I wished her good luck! I can’t wait to read her movie review!
Are you willing to be in the top 1 percent of readers? As of 12/30/2013 I can now call myself a graduate, 3 years ahead of schedule.
The power of books are the ideas they give you. The path they take you down and the journey that unfolds as one book leads to another and another. I remember checking out a Zig Ziglar CD from the Broward Library and listening to it in the car in 2005 when I had a 62 mile daily commute.
Zig challenged me with the idea of “Automobile University.” Turn your car into a place of learning by having a audio CD load and playing anytime you are driving. That one idea, changed my life because he then laid down a challenge. Less than 1% percent of Americans read 500 books in their lifetime after earning a college degree.
Zig Ziglar and the concept of “Automobile University”
In 2006 I decided to make a goal and accept the challenge of reading 500 books in 10 years, 50 books a year, or about 1 per week. With just my daily commute that was 260 days or 260 CD’s I could listen too. The average book is 5 CD’s so there was my 50 right there. That did not include driving to and from sales appointments and other driving.
What kind of reader are you?
Here are some scary facts about reading in the US:
- Less than 15% of American's read books on any regular basis, here are some additional surprising statistics.
- 1/3 of high school graduates never read another book for the rest of their lives.
- 42 percent of college graduates never read another book after college.
- 80 percent of U.S. families did not buy or read a book last year.
- 70 percent of U.S. adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years.
- 57 percent of new books are not read to completion, over half of those are not read past page 18.
(Source: Jerold Jenkins, www.JenkinsGroupInc.com)
I laugh when Zig mentions “tapes” in his discussion. I started with CD’s, but during this journey, I purchased my first ipod and started ripping the CDs to Itunes so that I could listen anywhere. I added a 1/8th inch jack so I could listen in my car. I started working out and found that listening to books took my mind to wonderful new places while my body was making boring repetitive motions on the treadmill.
After that initial inspiration there were books that were not available in audio so I started checking out regular books too. Just leaving a book by the bed before going to sleep and another in the bathroom helped me reach a few more steps closer to my goal.
Then Amazon released “Ebooks” and the Kindle. My mother purchased the first version of the Kindle and loved it, until she moved to Montana, the one state without out Spring wifi. So I inherited it and started reading more. Then Kindle moved to the phones as the screens improved and I started reading on my blackberry and now my Samsung S3.
I can now check out an electronic audio or edbook from the library on my phone and start reading it or listening to it as soon as it downloads. That is a huge leap forward from when I started ordering books on the library website, waiting for them to arrive and the library, driving to pick them up and then ripping and loading them on my ipod or phone.
So what is your excuse?
I also listen to book while doing housework, laundry, cooking or yard work. All it takes is the goal to do it, a simple spreadsheet to track it and a hunger to fill yourself with new ideas.
Here is a link to my book spreadsheet (requires a gmail account)
So last week I shared the secret to happiness. Click Here if you missed that post! Today I’ll share the secret of the universe. At the beginning of the workshop, the swami asked us three questions:
1. Does the past exist?
2. Does the future exist?
3. Does the present moment exist?
No cheating, think about your answers before reading more...
The answer is “no” to all three questions. I got #3 wrong as I previously thought that the present moment was all the truly existed. Here is how the swami explained it to me.
The past does not exist; once it is gone, all that exists is our memory of it. We often chose to define ourselves from some past event, but in absolute truth it no longer exists.
The future has not come yet; so it does not exist either. Now, the choice we make today will affect our future, but it is not set in stone, and there are forces way beyond our control that could have a bigger affect on it than we could ever imagine.
Does the present moment exist yet? Here is why I got that answer wrong. The present moment does not exist because we never stop. We never stop and say, “this is the present moment.” The present moment is the blur of non-existent future moving into the non-existent past.
At this point, the swami conceded that he is talking about the absolute reality of existence. The present moment existence in what he calls the “Relative Reality” is all we experience. Because it is relative it is also referred to as an illusion.
Here’s an example, think about a movie being projected on a screen. The screen is the absolute reality of existence. It is pure white, static, cloth. But when a movie is projected on it, it becomes the movie. Therefore, the absolute screen can be anything in the relative world depending on what is projected on it.
You and I confuse the relative movie of life we experience daily with the absolute nature of true selves. If the movie screen had consciousness, it could choose to be happy at anytime, even when a tragedy or horror movie was being reflected upon it.
So the future does not exist, but I can anticipate your next question. “Matt, how do I experience the Absolute Reality instead of just the Relative Reality of existence?”
Meditation is the art of turning off the relative reality’s movie projector and experiencing the absolute blank emptiness of the screen.
What does the screen represent in the metaphor I’m using? Well, there are two possible answers. One is simply energy. Another is more complex, love!
I had two really big “Aha” experiences at the Ashram in upstate New York several weeks ago. The first was the secret to happiness. I will share that with you this week. Next week, I will share the secret to existence itself!
When was the last time you felt happy? Take just a moment and reflect on what the moment was like, and who or what was involved with it?
My answer was scuba diving. My team was drifting off a great, rare, deep wreck ,and I spent 25 minutes ascending in pure happiness, while I finished my decompression stops. When going out for a deep technical dive, there is a lot of stress in planning, assembling the gear, and organizing a dive team. Add the pressure of things way beyond my control like wind, weather, ocean currents and visibility, and diving becomes a real gamble. In over 1000 dives I have learned to be happy by experiencing the dive instead of how the dive was. I couldn’t control the weather, so I stopped letting the weather determine my level of happiness with the dive.
A few times we do all this work and miss the wreck. There is nothing to look at but sand. What anyone would consider the ultimate frustration seeking blame in the team, captain, or the GPS coordinates again became a lesson in my ability to learn to choose to be happy.
I thought I had found and understood the secret to happiness, but he swami did a better job of explaining it, ready?
Happiness is the cessation of thought and additional decisions.
Now apply that concept to the last time you felt happy. Can you see it now?
The feeling of external happiness comes at the end of accomplishing a task. A project at work, a personal goal, or the end of a game, when we have the results, and there are no more decisions to be made.
In my scuba diving, the happiness came at the end of the dive. When all the planning was over, my tank was empty, and I had the memories of the experience.
Here’s an example of a more common experience. You decide to buy a new car, you shop, compare prices, negotiate with the dealer, and eventually drive home in a new car. Ah, the happiness, the car is finally yours! Then we become attached to the car, and the first scratch in the paint or repair and all the happiness is gone. The car no longer has the power to make us feel happy anymore. Worst yet, a new model comes out with better features, and a neighbor parks one in the driveway as a reminder of how old your car is.
So the lesson is that external happiness is fleeting and can be costly. It happens naturally at the end of accomplishing a task. But true happiness, internal happiness is under our control at all times because it is a choice. If you want to feel more happy, chose to. Break the steps of any goal or progress down so that it is an easy choice. Chose to be happy that you can afford a new car. Choose to be happy to explore all the opportunities. Choose to be happy during the negotiations. If you don’t feel happy at any time, walk out and try again or try a new dealer. Choose to be happy with each dent and ding, and let it serve as a reminder of a happy choice you were making at the time of its occurrence. The first ding in my new car happened in the mall parking lot, when taking my boys to see Madagascar 3. They loved the movie and had a great time. I chose to feel happy instead of ruining a great experience with the family.
As I write this post, I feel happy after each click of the keyboard. I can’t wait for you to read it and I hope to hear your comments on the blog, facebook, or emailed directly back to me!
Remember: Happiness is the cessation of thought and additional decisions.
PS: Now can you guess why it is said mediation is the pathway to bliss and happiness? Meditation is the practice of turning your rational mind “OFF” to experience the cessation of thought.